Ghost of You
by Griselda Banks
Summary: Songfic. Spoilers for Episode 51. Al has been searching for traces of what they were. He wakes in the night to find no one there but himself. Is a ghost all he has left of his brother? NOT shonenai.


**Author's Note: I was feeling extremely gloomy after I finished watching the anime, until I pulled out Good Charlotte's album **_**The Chronicles of Life and Death.**_** I know, not a particularly cheerful album, but when I listened to it all of the songs seemed to be talking about FMA. In listening to the songs and mulling over the ending of the anime, sometime or other I came to the conclusion that the ending wasn't quite as dismal as I'd thought it to be. Nearly all of the songs in **_**The Chronicles of Life and Death**_** are connected in my mind to FMA, but this was the only one I made into a songfic before I decided I don't really like songfics all that much. I know "Ghost of You" was probably intended to be a romantic love song about somebody's dumb girlfriend or something, but I think it works just as well to show how much Al misses Ed at the end of the anime. I wrote this fic about a year and a half ago, so it's not quite up to par with my current level of writing.  
**

_And I will wait until the end  
When the pendulum will swing back to the  
Darker side of our hearts' bleeding_

Alphonse Elric turned onto his other side. Maybe sleep would come easier if he stared at the dull grey wall. No luck. Al sighed and stuffed his pillow around his head. He knew that if he was to please Sensei, he would have to get a good night's rest. But no matter how many times he told himself this, he couldn't keep from thinking...about _him._ About Brother.

_And I will save this empty space  
Next to me like it's a grave  
Where I lay a place for us to sleep eternally together_

Oh, how he missed Brother! How he longed to see his confident grin, his golden eyes! How he longed to hear him rage and storm at the merest hint that he was short. How he wished to hear the slightly metallic sound of every other footstep, to hear that echoing clap whenever he was about to perform alchemy. He ached to just smell his brother's old, familiar smell, and feel that comfortable feeling of companionship, of brotherhood.

How long had he been searching for some small clue as to where Brother had gone, and how he could get back? He had already researched the Philosopher's Stone, and decided that wouldn't work. He had come back home for a short vacation, and tomorrow he would be going back with Sensei. But no matter how much alchemy he learned, he could not get any closer to finding Brother!

_I have been  
Searching for  
Traces of  
What we were_

Al rolled over again, staring glumly at his room. His gaze fell on the red cloak thrown over the back of a chair. The silvery moonlight fell on the symbol of alchemy embroidered on its back, and despair welled up inside him.

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
And nothing left of what we were at all_

Al sat up, throwing his legs over the side of his bed. His breath came in short gasps, as though someone was stabbing his heart over and over again. He stood up and began pacing restlessly back and forth in his bare feet, desperately trying to hold back tears. He couldn't stand another minute of this! He knew that he had forgotten most of what had happened; his memory was fuzzy since around the time Brother had rushed to him, yelling about human transmutation. Only slips of memory remained to him, but they grew clearer and clearer as the days passed, leading to more and more memories. He remembered many train rides, and some sort of ongoing search. There was a Colonel Mustang, who (he had suddenly recalled the other day) was always making them do things and go places. A man with dark hair and glasses, whose name Al could never recall, repeatedly entered his thoughts, grinning and laughing and chattering away about someone called Little Elysia. Al always felt a nagging desire to remember just who this man was, because he felt that there was something terrible and sad about him that he needed to know. And in every memory, he saw everything through openings in a cold, dark helmet. None of it made sense, and Al knew that the secret to finding Brother again lay in his memories.

Al's eye fell on a little group of pictures clustered on a shelf. A fat little baby with tufts of golden hair and huge golden eyes. A family portrait with a golden-haired man, a brown-haired woman, and two grinning boys. Those same two boys smiling triumphantly and holding up the first fish they had ever caught. Al turned away sadly and resumed his pacing. His brother's face could only bring grief to him now.

_So here I am  
Pacing around this house again  
With pictures of us living on these walls_

Suddenly, Al heard a familiar voice, "Hey, Al..." it said quietly. "I've...wanted to ask you something for a while...but I've been afraid to ask."

Al looked up in wild surprise. Sure enough, he could see a rather short boy of perhaps sixteen standing on the grass outside. The moonlight glimmered on the light braid that hung down his back. He grinned up at Al and raised a metallic hand in greeting.

"Brother..."

_I see my breath in the cold of the air  
That I breathe and I'm wondering  
I'm wondering if it's you that I feel  
If it's you that I feel here, haunting me forever  
I have been  
Searching for  
Traces of  
What we were_

Al raced through the house, not caring that he might wake everyone up. He didn't think, he _couldn't_ think! He could only run with all his might down the hall, throw open the front door, and race outside. But Brother did not meet him outside. He was gone, as if a gust of wind had blown him away. Al's knees crashed into the ground and for a moment he simply knelt there in the grass, frozen by shock. Slowly, however, his eyes filled with tears and he began to sob freely.

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
And nothing left of what we were at all_

The sun slowly rose, casting golden rays across the dew-encrusted grass. Al sat with his knees drawn up under his chin, staring unblinkingly at the river gurgling past. He was cold and wet from the dew, but he did not move. He heard the sound of footsteps coming towards him, and a long shadow fell to his left. Lost in thought, Al watched the shadow come nearer, and then stop, hands in pockets. He waited to hear the words, 'Come on, Al. Let's go.'

But instead he heard Winry say, "Breakfast's ready, Al, if you want any."

Al sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I'm coming," he replied, getting to his feet and slowly following Winry back to the house. Last night, he had recalled that time when he had suddenly doubted whether he had ever been real or not. He was tempted to wonder now if Brother had been real as well. He longed to hear Brother say once more, 'Come on, Al. Let's go.' Yet he feared he would never hear those words again.

_And I'm not looking for  
Anything but us  
Anything but what we were  
And I'm not asking for  
Painted memories  
I only want to know you're here_

_A ghost of you  
Is all that I have left  
It's all that I have left of you to hold  
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me  
And nothing left of what we were at all_


End file.
